Is Your Way Of Thinking Normal Or Could It Be OCD?
Do you ever question yourself as to why you do the things you do? Do you wonder if other people react the same way in certain situations? Do you tend to obsess or over think things? Do you find yourself so distracted that you can’t do anything else but wait? How do you know if the way you think is normal?
Not everyone handles situations the same way. There are several personality types in each of us that tells us how we would deal with different life situations. We have the driver personality, who can make a decision in a split second. They don’t have to think about it. They just do it. Then you have your analytical personality, who has to think about it, go home to do research, talk to people, think about it some more and then finally make a decision. Next, comes the amiable personality who will do whatever everyone else is doing. They tend to be the follower and are considered people pleasers, and last but not least the expressive personality, who can pretty much make a decision like the driver, but it’s based more on emotion. They wear their emotions on their sleeve, and if they’re excited about something, the whole world knows about it.
Everyone has all four but there is usually one that is more dominate than the others. Driver and analytical types are considered cold people and amiable and expressive are warm people. You can be a driver/expressive or an analytical/amiable, etc. My personality is Expressive/Driver. Which one are you?
I know it drives me crazy when someone doesn’t share in the excitement the way that I do. I could be jumping up and down, and I want someone to jump up and down with me. So it sucks when you have a friend or a significant other who may be just as excited as you, but they show it differently. Don’t you just want to punch them in the face? I really can understand this frustration, but it doesn’t make it any easier. I received an email from one of our Coffee Talkers that wanted me to share her situation on the blog and get everyone’s feedback.
Dear Kimmie,
I’m a single divorced mom for many years. I was recently contacted by an old boyfriend through a friend request on Facebook. It’s been over 20 years. I have no idea what’s been going on in his life. I do know for a fact that he got married over ten years ago, but that’s all. I was so excited at the friend request that I had to accept. Even though we didn’t go out for very long, we were crazy for each other. Unfortunately, the timing wasn’t right, and therefore, we broke up.
He recently joined Facebook and I’m the second friend on his account. So I looked at that as a good sign. Since I’ve been out of the dating scene for so long, is it safe to assume that he must be interested considering I’m friend #2 and the only woman? The problem is, I haven’t heard from him since! I’m going crazy! How, after all these years do you contact someone who meant something to you and not follow through? There are no status updates or pictures on his wall, so he hasn’t been active, since he opened the account.
I did Google him and based on the info I found, it looks like he is single. He has his own business doing something that he loves. I think to myself, wow, he looked me up after all these years. It looks like he’s single, so now what? I have no patience for this! Why do men do this? I don’t know how to handle this. If you could post this on your blog, I would be curious to see how other women would react to this situation. I feel like I can’t do anything else because I’m just waiting to hear from him. Am I OCD or just crazy excited?
Thank you so much and I truly love your blog!
Anonymous Coffee Talker
So ladies, how would you handle this situation? Please give your honest opinion as to what she should do.
7 Responses to Is Your Way Of Thinking Normal Or Could It Be OCD?
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Anonymous Coffee Talker – I can totally relate to your situation. I was organizing a class reunion last year and one of my classmates started calling me and texting me etc. We had some great conversations. He was very complimentary and was saying that when he visits Orlando for a convention, we should get together. THEN – I find out he has a girlfriend for like 7 years!! I was crushed and disappointed! I couldn’t imagine what I did to deserve this. Of course I stopped responding to his emails and texts.
This is my take on your situation. Married men should not be seeking out old girlfriends and telling them that they were the first person they sought out on FB. It’s misleading. Men use the excuse of saying that they just wanted to say hi and be friends, but I wonder how his wife would feel, if she knew. I know for me, I don’t want to be friends with an ex especially if they are married. That’s how my ex-husband started having an affair. He was friends with a women who he started confided in and she probably thought he needs a friend and then saw a financial opportunity and they ended up married marrying him. That’s an emotional affair. It was wrong on his part and you did the right thing by unfriendiing him. I also know that I wouldn’t want my husband seeking out old girlfriends on FB. Like Coleen mentioned FB has ruined a lot of marriages because the temptation is there for communicating. It seems innocent enough but it’s not.
This situation is just preparing you for something wonderful in your life. Stay strong, your prince is on his way, and good for you for staying true to who you are.
Kimmie
I’m so sorry to hear you are feeling knocked down today.
I think you did the right thing unfriending him. Married men should definitely not seek out an ex girlfriend on FB. It’s downright disrespectful to all parties. A lot of marriages have been destroyed via FB b/c so many people lack integrity. Keep your chin up & head held high – as you clearly have integrity and that can only lead to something better coming your way.
Even though he has my phone number and email, I decided to unfriend him on FB. Considering he is not really going to be using FB that much I don’t need him knowing my business. I hate those kind of people. If he calls or emails again I will tell him it was so nice to catch up, I’m glad you’re doing well but I don’t think it’s appropriate for us to be talking since he is married. I have plenty of friends, I don’t need another.
Thank you girls!!
Toniann thank you for responding. I thought about what Coleen said and thought that it wouldn’t be so bad if I emailed him. So I did last night before I went to bed.
I received a response from him this morning and come to find out Coleen was correct. He is still trying figure out Facebook and said he couldn’t even get back on because FB keeps freezing up on him. It was a nice email and then I responded again since he said he wanted to catch up and so I gave him my phone number and he called me like 15 minutes later. Awesome conversation until he started asking about my kids and then I asked him if he had any kids and he told me he had a 1 year old little girl. I JUST COULDN’T BELIEVE WHAT I WAS HEARING!! He told me that I was the first person he looked up on Facebook!! After a minute or two I asked him how long he was married for and this was his second marriage. After talking for about 20 minutes, I said ok well it was so nice catching up with you and he said oh we will catch up some more soon. WTF???
Here I am minding my own business and I get this FB friend request from an old boyfriend, who tells me I’m the first person he looked up. Calls me almost immediately after I gave him my phone number and I felt like why are you calling me? I wonder if he would tell his wife. What is the purpose? The funny thing is this has happened to me before. Men who are involved or married seem to want to talk to me and I feel like I’m being led on. WHY???
Do you agree that it isn’t appropriate for a married man to seek out an old girlfriend? It really knocked me down today. I just don’t understand why this happens to me.
Can anyone else relate?
Awesome article about personalities Kimmie!! I don’t know where I fit exactly, but I will think about it and let you know what I came up with.
My reply to annonymous would be along the lines of Coleen’s. I believe someone that is just starting out in Facebook, usually has no clue as to what the hell that are doing. Myself included. And unless you have a shitload of time on your hands to figure it out, it will take some time. My advice would be to sit back and wait. As hard as this may be. But distract yourself with other positive things in your life, and the time will pass. If you don’t hear anything within 2 weeks, I would not expect a warm reconnection. However, I would remain friends and let him sit there. This way you can leave the possibility of rekindling open in the future. Good Luck! And please keep us posted! And as far as your response being normal…it absolutely is! Excitement of hearing from an old boyfriend, anxious to establish a connection again, and butterflies in your stomach just thinking about it…all normal reactions. Just don’t let it consume you to the point of being let down each time you check and still don’t have a response. Because the. You are going to turn a very exciting, and positive action of his reaching out to connect with you, and turn it into bitterness and negativity. Of course, this would just be my opinion. Good luck! And here is to hoping you get a response!!
Coleen thank you! You have some great points. He couldn’t send me a message because I don’t have my FB set up that way. Only my friends can send me messages. Once he is my friend he can then send me a message. But like you said he may not know how to use it. His business is on FB but he only posted a few times and maybe it was an employee who actually did it.
I didn’t send him a message but I did post a video of something I thought he would like and just said “You will love this” and that’s it. I really want him to make the first move, or is just friending me considered the first move? I had to laugh over your “bitch” comment because I strongly believe in FB etiquette and that’s why this is driving me crazy!! I don’t know if I should send him a message after I already posted a video. I have like 5 pictures of him & I along with at least 5 letters that he wrote me. I think he would get a real kick out of it, but again I don’t want to look desperate.
Thank you for taking the time to read my letter and for writing me! I will let you know what happens.
Hmmmmm, Kimmie – I think I’m an analytical-expressive ….but I have to think about it a little more and get back to you.
Have so much catching up to do with your blog girlie!!!
Anonymous, I don’t know what to say. The ex sounds to me to be one of those people who signed up for FB one day to see what it was all about & hasn’t made it part of his regular social network. Hopefully that is it & he will at some point get more involved. However, the Debbie Downer part of me that I rarely let out says – he didn’t send a message with the friend request. He’s non-committal at the very start of reconnecting. Or perhaps he doesn’t know how FB actually works. (Do you see the analytical part of my personality in this??) Did you send him a message when you accepted his friend request? It sounds like you have wonderful memories of this guy. Young love is great & his reconnecting with you on FB probably brings all the nice memories back. It’s nice to get excited about an old flame. I’d cautiously daydream about him & the old times …and hope that he gets back onto FB so you can learn more. (If it was me, I’d ultimately unfriend him …but I’m a bitch. If I accept a friend request, I expect it to be acknowledged).
Any one else have an opinion?